Pardon my Dust

When I have anxiety about talking to people, is it a sign that my heart is not in line with God? When I was younger every time I opened my mouth I would offend someone. After I had Kevin, I was too busy chasing him around to even have a conversation with anyone. I noticed that the amount of people I usually offended dropped dramatically. Not because I had better things to say, but because I didn’t have time to say anything. I had this mini-revelation that if I talked little I’d offend less. So then became my mission to say as little as possible. It’s funny how I deceived myself into thinking I had discovered this great way of getting along with everyone. I still had this unresolved question. Why do I make people mad when I do open my mouth? Maybe its because I have this critical, judgmental heart. I wasn’t saying it, but I was still thinking it; critiquing, judging, assuming the worst. When I would say something all that ugliness just came spewing out.

Like a master sculptor, God chips away at me. My heart is softening. My anxiety is lessening as I look at people and respond to them differently. I react with more compassion, grace, and understanding then I did before the Holy Spirit moved in. Sometimes I have to talk whether I want to or not. I still have anxiety when I do have to say something, but it is lessening. Thankfully He never tires of this work in progress. Maybe I should wear a sign that says pardon my dust.